Mark is a 7 year old boy. Mark doesn’t enjoy washing at all. His mum has to scold him every Saturday just to get him to wash. Sometimes his mum ends up comparing him to George who’s just next door. Mark’s mum says stuff like: Why can’t you be like George, he always washes his clothes before you even wake up. It gets to a point where Mark, as little as he is, starts wishing that George would become lazier than he is, so his mum wouldn’t have anyone to compare him to.
Joe is 10. He is brilliant but almost always comes second to Jim. Joe isn’t happy. Even though he’s brilliant, he’s never first because someone is supposedly better than him. After 2 years, Jim’s family moves to a different town and Joe takes the first position. Joe is happy because Jim isn’t there to push him to second place.
What’s all this?
I know you’re wondering why I’m talking about Mark and Joe. Most of us grow up encountering similar situations. We grow up thinking the success of others means our downfall. We grow up with the mentality to always compete. To win while making others lose; the win-lose mentality.
There’s a time to compete and a time to collaborate
That is not to say there’s nothing like competition. In fact there is great competition out there. Companies compete with other companies and that makes sense but there’s no sense in competing with a team-mate just because you want to earn more than he does. There’s is the need to upgrade yourself, to reinvent yourself, to better yourself but check your motives, check your thoughts, make sure you’re not pulling a colleague down because in the end you both are for the same cause.
Deeply embedded but can be unlearned
Right from childhood, we may be fed with the win-lose mentality. It is deeply rooted within us but we were not born with it. We learned it, so we can unlearn it. We can do this by simply checking our thoughts and deep motivations.
Why am I doing what I’m doing? Am I trying to better myself, better a colleague or destroy a colleague?
Am I genuinely happy when a friend makes a quantum leap in life? Or do I fake happiness and feel unhappy within?
You can unlearn it by replacing that mentality with a win-win mentality. There’s a saying that the sky is too big for two birds to clash. That’s very true. Believe it, stop yourself anytime you realize your motives towards a friend, colleague isn’t right. Tell yourself that you can even join forces with him to achieve more and that there’s no point being unhappy for a friend. After all you are a good person, not some villain 🙂
Have the abundance mentality. There’s enough for everyone…